Sorry for the long gap - hope these still will help. I've been in NYC for the past few days, seeing shows and going to pride (Total coincidence, I didn't realize it was this weekend till I got there!), and unlike you I can't type long things on the iphone interface (though I don't have an iPhone, just an iTouch). However, I did spend the bus ride reading Dead Isle. I had comments, wish I remembered them better!

Anyway.

Ten.
- I've always loved the phrase "whispers of power". The only thing that I'm wondering about is... well, it kind of feels like Colin is bragging or something when he says "I'll tell your fortune". More like "I want to prove I can do this, and prove it here in front of everyone". Is it a kind of building his cred back up thing?
- I like "the future's not set in stone" and then Noel saying how he changed his future, but it sounds flippant to me. I don't know if that's the intent, though.
- I like this placement, hearing about Aaron's guard mojo right before Colin feels Joseph. Is this new? It works well, feels tight. And is logical.
- End: Unsure what, exactly 'bigger exorcism' means, unless it's exorcise Galano from the prison. But I'm glad that they are talking about it now, and that Colin is asking others.

Eleven.
- The timeline seems clearer already, in terms of 'this hasn't actually been long at all, it's just been a lot of things happening'.
- Oh, thank you for this description of Noel's needles and inks. This helps a lot.
- Oh so other people (prisoners only? what about other guards? not just mojo?) *can* see the Shade-shadow, even if they don't know what it means.
- I like this baroque mask tattoo - it makes me want to draw it out, so I'm just wondering if you had a picture in mind while writing it? :)
- I'm glad you used asterick breaks here, and not chapter breaks, because for me it really links it as the same day.
- Does "Noel would be all right" mean "all right while Colin talks to Laney" or "all right once Colin leaves Railburg"?
- "Must be drugs day for someone." - this is grittier, and just adds another layer to prison life. Good.
- Timeline is so much clearer!!
- Ooh, Analise can see it too!
- End: I really felt like the timeline was cleaned up here - I did get the sense of a lot packed into one day, rather than individual events on different days. So well done.

Twelve.
- This version feels like it has more seeds of expecting a riot and does a better job of conveying their fear of a riot. I still want to see a discussion of how bad prison riots can get from someone not a prisoner - Joseph, maybe? - or a memory of a bad one - something so we have a comparison point, kind of.
- Aw, Laney gave Gutierrez two. Buying his way into good graces.
- "offering his services as a thief in return for snacks" - What does Colin steal in prison? Honest question - don't they know what they have and recoginize it if it goes missing and they see it on someone else?
- Ah. Parker. Nevermind! Unless Parker is referencing stealing Laney/Noel as a toy, which is what I thought, but coming so soon after my last question...
- Aw, haven't seen Grace in a while. Hi Grace! :) I'd forgotten about you.
- Cursed food. *shiver*
- End: It felt like a lot happened here, and I'm not quite sure what happened with the laundering money scheme, but I think that's just not my strong suit.

Now bedtime. :) More tomorrow! Is there a deadline you want these by?