Four. - Still love the origami; especially "Colin wasn't sure Joseph knew that he was giving them to him" - I'm noting the lack of reaction when colin says "I got the moo" - are they intentionally ignoring him, do they not process it (much like the bullets above), or do they just not know what to say? - I think I like this way of buildup to the sex because it establishes it as having happened many times before. So while it's still abruptish, you understand that this isn't the first time and that helps a lot. - I like including the bullet charms in the list of locks. I like that very much. - End: This was the first time I let my eyes run over because I wanted to see where Colin had to go - and heads up, I really like this segue. The sex scene works better for me, and though I don't know what has changed vs. what has changed because I've read it before, I feel like the relationship has been more established and that the otherworld!mojo aspects of Colin are shimmering just under the surface, but are a part of daily life. I have fewer questions this go-around, and I think we can chalk at least some of that up to rewrites, because I've reread Trace1.0 more than once and still had questions I couldn't damp down.
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- Still love the origami; especially "Colin wasn't sure Joseph knew that he was giving them to him"
- I'm noting the lack of reaction when colin says "I got the moo" - are they intentionally ignoring him, do they not process it (much like the bullets above), or do they just not know what to say?
- I think I like this way of buildup to the sex because it establishes it as having happened many times before. So while it's still abruptish, you understand that this isn't the first time and that helps a lot.
- I like including the bullet charms in the list of locks. I like that very much.
- End: This was the first time I let my eyes run over because I wanted to see where Colin had to go - and heads up, I really like this segue. The sex scene works better for me, and though I don't know what has changed vs. what has changed because I've read it before, I feel like the relationship has been more established and that the otherworld!mojo aspects of Colin are shimmering just under the surface, but are a part of daily life. I have fewer questions this go-around, and I think we can chalk at least some of that up to rewrites, because I've reread Trace1.0 more than once and still had questions I couldn't damp down.