ext_54750 ([identity profile] azure-chaos.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] originalsam_backup 2011-06-29 09:04 am (UTC)

Ah, I totally never made the lost grace thing & like I said, I can understand that as a writer you get attached to the name of your characters (even ones that are absent in the story).

I've been trying for a couple of days to come up with a viable fix (the best one was in the middle of the night which I predictably can't remember lol). I went through several different possibles just writing this reply. I guess the simple one would be something like:

There was one there for each night he'd stayed with them since he'd moved into his own place, which wasn't that many; but they were good protection. (punctuating that sentence is what kept tripping me lol)

I guess you have to decide if that 'after that first month' is important for the reader to know. Is it superfluous info we don't need or, if we do need to know it, is something you could tell us elsewhere? How about breaking it up into different sentences, maybe?

He'd stayed with them for a month initially, and there was a [bullet-in-a-balloon] for every night he'd stayed with them since then. There weren't many, in all, but they were good protection.

Just a couple of ideas, which you've no doubt already gone through lol.

Nate

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