You've changed the Shakespeare machine! Now it cheers you up instead of giving you a bit of art. And it doesn't spit Shakespeare at Graveworthy now, and it malfunctions a bit worse, making it seem a bit more implausible that he'd be so impressed with Jack. The antic, almost manic bit sounds too rhymey, it threw me off.
Also: "His movements were antic, almost manic, excitement vibrating in every muscle. . ." The antic, almost manic bit sounds too rhymey, it threw me off.
"'High-spirits,' Jack said conversationally." No hyphen there?
"Nothing. Sir," Jack added, with the hint of insolence that was nearly tradition when addressing the Head of Third-Year. You didn't put a hyphen in Head of Second Year, though when you use "first-year" and "second-year" etc in lower case you do. So you ought to either put a hyphen and make it "Head of Second-Year" or remove the hyphen from Larsson's title.
no subject
The antic, almost manic bit sounds too rhymey, it threw me off.
Also: "His movements were antic, almost manic, excitement vibrating in every muscle. . ."
The antic, almost manic bit sounds too rhymey, it threw me off.
"'High-spirits,' Jack said conversationally."
No hyphen there?
"Nothing. Sir," Jack added, with the hint of insolence that was nearly tradition when addressing the Head of Third-Year.
You didn't put a hyphen in Head of Second Year, though when you use "first-year" and "second-year" etc in lower case you do. So you ought to either put a hyphen and make it "Head of Second-Year" or remove the hyphen from Larsson's title.