I just reread The Dead Isle a few weeks ago, and I looove The Dead Isle, so my aversion to some of these changes might just be… aversion to change rather than legit critiques. I have no perspective when it comes to the things I love. :P
- I liked it better when it was immediately obvious that Ellis didn't really care to speak to Adella. Didn't he originally say something like "Oh damn" at first? It gave me a very clear picture of Adella right from the start.
- "I have to finish it," she said instead. "Then I'll tell you." I thought for a second that she hadn't completed the book the first time she read it with Jack. I think "I have to reread it" would be better.
- On first read-through, I read "I don't need an education in poverty" as cavalier disregard for the underprivileged, which… is out of character and clearly not what you meant. Not to mention, that would put Claire in the category of "privileged orphan," which is probably a first ever.
This is likely a result of me very recently reading the prior version and trying to reconcile two Claires. Before, Claire going down to Steerage was her being all "oh it can't be all that bad oh I guess maybe it is" and… I don't understand the point of Ellis bringing Claire down there without that element. Whereas before, it was her own interaction with PJ that brought her belowdecks, here, Ellis is the one trying to force realization of her snobbishness on her? Which… doesn't make as much sense to me if she thinks of herself as an orphan passing for middle class, with "an education in poverty." Unless he's just presuming her to be a snob? And that doesn't sound like him.
Before, Claire was sympathetic but unaware of the extent of her own privilege and the reality of poverty. I think with this Claire, you're going for someone who identifies with the underprivileged and, in addition to having a poor opinion of Ellis for failing to protect Jack, now adds Ellis's status and wealth to his list of faults and is surprised when he turns out not to be an oblivious rich white man after all. Maybe some digs at Ellis about his wealth are in order?
I think the biggest problem I have with Claire in these scenes is that she doesn't do enough. I understand why you cut PJ, but I think cutting out her interaction with PJ makes her flatter than she was.
TO SUM UP, two questions: How does Claire think of herself in terms of class? And why did Ellis want to bring Claire to Steerage?
- Lastly - an utterly random thought I had - when I sing Southern songs, I find myself lapsing into a stronger Southern accent than I normally speak with. Just a suggestion - perhaps you can use it as something that slips out when Claire's singing and it unsettles her, which would be more of a buildup to her upset at the reveal.
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- I liked it better when it was immediately obvious that Ellis didn't really care to speak to Adella. Didn't he originally say something like "Oh damn" at first? It gave me a very clear picture of Adella right from the start.
- "I have to finish it," she said instead. "Then I'll tell you." I thought for a second that she hadn't completed the book the first time she read it with Jack. I think "I have to reread it" would be better.
- On first read-through, I read "I don't need an education in poverty" as cavalier disregard for the underprivileged, which… is out of character and clearly not what you meant. Not to mention, that would put Claire in the category of "privileged orphan," which is probably a first ever.
This is likely a result of me very recently reading the prior version and trying to reconcile two Claires. Before, Claire going down to Steerage was her being all "oh it can't be all that bad oh I guess maybe it is" and… I don't understand the point of Ellis bringing Claire down there without that element. Whereas before, it was her own interaction with PJ that brought her belowdecks, here, Ellis is the one trying to force realization of her snobbishness on her? Which… doesn't make as much sense to me if she thinks of herself as an orphan passing for middle class, with "an education in poverty." Unless he's just presuming her to be a snob? And that doesn't sound like him.
Before, Claire was sympathetic but unaware of the extent of her own privilege and the reality of poverty. I think with this Claire, you're going for someone who identifies with the underprivileged and, in addition to having a poor opinion of Ellis for failing to protect Jack, now adds Ellis's status and wealth to his list of faults and is surprised when he turns out not to be an oblivious rich white man after all. Maybe some digs at Ellis about his wealth are in order?
I think the biggest problem I have with Claire in these scenes is that she doesn't do enough. I understand why you cut PJ, but I think cutting out her interaction with PJ makes her flatter than she was.
TO SUM UP, two questions: How does Claire think of herself in terms of class? And why did Ellis want to bring Claire to Steerage?
- Lastly - an utterly random thought I had - when I sing Southern songs, I find myself lapsing into a stronger Southern accent than I normally speak with. Just a suggestion - perhaps you can use it as something that slips out when Claire's singing and it unsettles her, which would be more of a buildup to her upset at the reveal.