http://harkpad02.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] harkpad02.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] originalsam_backup 2012-05-02 12:30 am (UTC)

I'm late on reading this chapter, but I echo everyone's sentiment that the story of the battle is breathtaking. I'm a teacher, so the bit about schools nurturing compassion and strong thinking rang very true. Also, I agree with your liftoff instead of fanfare. These folks aren't speech-y and the princess got her photograph. Anything else would seem out of place to me. I guess I was hoping for a goodbye to Anderson (they all like him so much, and so do your readers), but I like the no-flourish departure, personally.


“suddenly it looked very forbidding.” Foreboding? (maybe not)

the ancient lore of Harvard year's-end pranks. = ancient lore of Harvard’s year-end pranks (I looked at this one a bunch of times....it bothered and puzzled me.)

Claire stood at the rail for a long time, the day they flew over the pyramids – no comma after time

fellow general Ibrahim Bey lay on the east bank – fellow general, Ibrahim Bey, lay on the east bank

who according to the few survivors shouted that he = who, according to the few survivors, shouted that he…

"Serve him right, I'd say." – should that be ‘served’?

Greedy for land and wealth, which in the end add up to power. – which, in the end, add up to power

Are Murad Bey and Ibrahim Bey brothers or is that just a common name?

Finally,

When he was just waking, however, all he seemed to want was hot tea and an audience. – love this

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