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Captain Oblivious (
maggiebloome.livejournal.com
) wrote
in
originalsam_backup
2012-05-08 12:45 pm (UTC)
no subject
I liked this one, although it's occurring to me that you've introduced rather a lot of Williams. Can't wait for the next chapter!
In this bit:
"Up to you, Parsons," Bell said.
"Let him," Graveworthy said carelessly.
It sounds a bit like Graveworthy is answering to the name Parsons - unclear who "him" is, etc.
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no subject
In this bit:
"Up to you, Parsons," Bell said.
"Let him," Graveworthy said carelessly.
It sounds a bit like Graveworthy is answering to the name Parsons - unclear who "him" is, etc.