I have some thoughts about Non. I think you might want to spend a little time explaining why Non is so famous, instead of having every character take it for granted that we know his name. What makes him stand out from the many other niche blogs out there?
As someone who knows that his blog is modeled after your blog, I'm inferring a lot about the answer to that question that isn't actually in the text. Does he also write about his personal life and family, like you do? Does he have other common posting topics (cooking, writing aspirations, fandom), like you do? Has he ever written about why he blogs, like you have? These are all things that I love about you, that I want to love about Non - but I can't, because he hasn't done them.
Just from the story, all we see so far are two article-style posts talking about non-profit insider info. As someone who doesn't work for a NFP, if the first post I ever read was the party report, I probably wouldn't keep reading. I don't care about the party for it's own sake - I want a hook about why I care about Non, and why I want to read more about his life.
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-01-16 05:56 pm (UTC)I have some thoughts about Non. I think you might want to spend a little time explaining why Non is so famous, instead of having every character take it for granted that we know his name. What makes him stand out from the many other niche blogs out there?
As someone who knows that his blog is modeled after your blog, I'm inferring a lot about the answer to that question that isn't actually in the text. Does he also write about his personal life and family, like you do? Does he have other common posting topics (cooking, writing aspirations, fandom), like you do? Has he ever written about why he blogs, like you have? These are all things that I love about you, that I want to love about Non - but I can't, because he hasn't done them.
Just from the story, all we see so far are two article-style posts talking about non-profit insider info. As someone who doesn't work for a NFP, if the first post I ever read was the party report, I probably wouldn't keep reading. I don't care about the party for it's own sake - I want a hook about why I care about Non, and why I want to read more about his life.