The description of Ian falling over likely is a bit confusing, yeah. I think the problem is that if you've ever had a fall like that, or seen someone have a fall like that, the chain of events in itself is bewildering :D I still am not entirely sure what happened when I broke my wrist. But I've tried to speed it up a bit, I see your point.
I wondered about putting someone in SparkVISION who isn't well-liked or doesn't do their work or whatnot, but that's much less common in small offices than in large ones. Also, it felt a bit too much like The Office, and I loathe what happens to Dwight on that show, both what he does and what's done to him.
Re the John POV -- I'll work on strengthening that. I wrote it accidentally from Ian's POV for part, so its probably lingering remnants of that.
Sara = scary lawyer.
She's actually a legal secretary, but that'll become more clear as things progress. Same thing with Cee -- she's not a proofreader, she's a PA, but she proofs John's stuff because PAs are good at that :D Differentiating everyone is definitely something I need to work on.
Sparks is definitely growing on me, though I want to see him in a serious conversation.
I'll have to look ahead and see when that happens -- it does happen, as Sparks is an immensely intelligent man who just happens to also have twice the normal levels of joy in his system -- but it might not be for a few chapters. Hm.
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Re: more concrit this time
Date: 2010-01-18 06:33 pm (UTC)I wondered about putting someone in SparkVISION who isn't well-liked or doesn't do their work or whatnot, but that's much less common in small offices than in large ones. Also, it felt a bit too much like The Office, and I loathe what happens to Dwight on that show, both what he does and what's done to him.
Re the John POV -- I'll work on strengthening that. I wrote it accidentally from Ian's POV for part, so its probably lingering remnants of that.
Sara = scary lawyer.
She's actually a legal secretary, but that'll become more clear as things progress. Same thing with Cee -- she's not a proofreader, she's a PA, but she proofs John's stuff because PAs are good at that :D Differentiating everyone is definitely something I need to work on.
Sparks is definitely growing on me, though I want to see him in a serious conversation.
I'll have to look ahead and see when that happens -- it does happen, as Sparks is an immensely intelligent man who just happens to also have twice the normal levels of joy in his system -- but it might not be for a few chapters. Hm.