"Bolo rocked back into the living room..." I think rocked should be rocketed? You know that introducing Zeke only invites people to ship Ian/Zeke and not feel as guilty/weird as when they ship You/R. Just saying. :) I like the Worst Anniversary Ever, game night and the Sparks interview quite a lot. The one scene that doesn't do anything for me is the Roxy/Naomi scene. At this point in the story these are two of the characters I am the least invested in. They seem disconnected from the rest of the office intrigue, especially Naomi. If I were you, in the rewrite I'd drop Naomi and make Erin or Jess a fashionable lesbian. Those two are the characters I still couldn't pick out of a crowd.
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Date: 2010-01-23 07:06 am (UTC)You know that introducing Zeke only invites people to ship Ian/Zeke and not feel as guilty/weird as when they ship You/R. Just saying. :)
I like the Worst Anniversary Ever, game night and the Sparks interview quite a lot. The one scene that doesn't do anything for me is the Roxy/Naomi scene. At this point in the story these are two of the characters I am the least invested in. They seem disconnected from the rest of the office intrigue, especially Naomi. If I were you, in the rewrite I'd drop Naomi and make Erin or Jess a fashionable lesbian. Those two are the characters I still couldn't pick out of a crowd.