I really like what you've done with this first chapter! I get a really strong sense of personalities of all the characters, I don't feel nearly as over-whelmed the way I did with the first draft. I also like the addition of the clues to Non's identity, which I don't remember the first time. (I feel almost like I should read the two drafts side by side, some of the changes you've made are so subtle!)
I'm hoping you have some red herrings about who Non is later on, a lot of the fun I had with the first draft was trying to figure out who Non is, so I'm hoping that while you've left clues you've not made it too obvious... In some ways, I wish I didn't know who it was, so I could be surprised all over again. :P
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Date: 2010-10-01 06:13 pm (UTC)I'm hoping you have some red herrings about who Non is later on, a lot of the fun I had with the first draft was trying to figure out who Non is, so I'm hoping that while you've left clues you've not made it too obvious... In some ways, I wish I didn't know who it was, so I could be surprised all over again. :P