Right, well, I've never watched White Collar at all, so haven't read any of your previous fanfic about it. So I'm coming to this 'fresh', as it were.
I like the 'hook' to this Prologue. If it were (say) a book cover blurb (inside front cover!), I'd be tempted to buy the book just on that. I'd almost certainly be opening it to A Random Chapter to read more (and knowing your writing, be still standing there three chapters later before coming up for air!).
Only quibbles are as per previous posters - those couple of slightly jarring bits, but they're not out-and-out 'throw me out of the story' jarring. And I've just realised what the particularly jarring thing about the last line is, apart from my suggestion above: It doesn't stand alone, and it should. I think if you moved the bit about 'All of it was true...' back into the previous paragraph, then that last line would have more 'punch' to it.
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I like the 'hook' to this Prologue. If it were (say) a book cover blurb (inside front cover!), I'd be tempted to buy the book just on that. I'd almost certainly be opening it to A Random Chapter to read more (and knowing your writing, be still standing there three chapters later before coming up for air!).
Only quibbles are as per previous posters - those couple of slightly jarring bits, but they're not out-and-out 'throw me out of the story' jarring. And I've just realised what the particularly jarring thing about the last line is, apart from my suggestion above: It doesn't stand alone, and it should. I think if you moved the bit about 'All of it was true...' back into the previous paragraph, then that last line would have more 'punch' to it.
On to Chapter One!