I think the concept is good - contrasting the now with the then, and reality with gossip and half-truths. A lot of the comments seem to be encouraging you to keep it, and I think that's why: the idea is better than the execution.
I think there are two problems. The first is definitely the language. "However" gets in the way for sure, and I'm not sure that's the right phrase, but I think the shift is really good. It's the kind of line I love to have an the end of a mysterious passage like you've constructed. IF you can find a way to keep that feeling in, I would do it. I think it has a lot of strength. But in a real book, it might work better as the first line of the next chapter, because you would see it much sooner. You'd read the prologue, you'd turn the page, and then see it. Online, I'm commenting one piece at a time, plus I'll have to load the next page and I might not remember the feeling I had when I read the last paragraph.
Second problem: you already have a closing line to this section, which is "all of it was true. More or less." You've already put in the beat/pause we need mentally after following your flow, and then you put in another ending-type line after your ending-type line. I think that's what doesn't work. It's like:
This is the end.
Also, so is this bit, this the actual end.
I think you can fix that part by moving "All of it was true. More or less" to the BEGINNING of this piece. You could even make it the first line, setting up "They said a lot of things...." Obviously you'd have to play with it, but actually I think putting that concept in our heads earlier would work really well. For me, certainly.
Also the "but he wouldn't (but he had once)" worked fine for me, no issues at all. I agree with the other commenter that most of these bits sound like voices echoing up from somewhere, so it could easily be someone contradicting someone else. I'm not sure if moving up "all of it was true" would help with the concept that there would be back and forth later on.
Okay, enough rambling. Not sure if that helped at all. On to chapter one!
Thoughts on the last line
I think there are two problems. The first is definitely the language. "However" gets in the way for sure, and I'm not sure that's the right phrase, but I think the shift is really good. It's the kind of line I love to have an the end of a mysterious passage like you've constructed. IF you can find a way to keep that feeling in, I would do it. I think it has a lot of strength. But in a real book, it might work better as the first line of the next chapter, because you would see it much sooner. You'd read the prologue, you'd turn the page, and then see it. Online, I'm commenting one piece at a time, plus I'll have to load the next page and I might not remember the feeling I had when I read the last paragraph.
Second problem: you already have a closing line to this section, which is "all of it was true. More or less." You've already put in the beat/pause we need mentally after following your flow, and then you put in another ending-type line after your ending-type line. I think that's what doesn't work. It's like:
This is the end.
Also, so is this bit, this the actual end.
I think you can fix that part by moving "All of it was true. More or less" to the BEGINNING of this piece. You could even make it the first line, setting up "They said a lot of things...."
Obviously you'd have to play with it, but actually I think putting that concept in our heads earlier would work really well. For me, certainly.
Also the "but he wouldn't (but he had once)" worked fine for me, no issues at all. I agree with the other commenter that most of these bits sound like voices echoing up from somewhere, so it could easily be someone contradicting someone else. I'm not sure if moving up "all of it was true" would help with the concept that there would be back and forth later on.
Okay, enough rambling. Not sure if that helped at all. On to chapter one!