The story has definitely hit its stride here. The prison language feels natural. However, it is also confusing for someone not steeped in the lore--for example, what is an S.M.M.? Actual exposition might be distracting, but a few more context clues would really help.
I also like the way you are integrating the children's lore and the prison magic. So far, the magic in the story has not been jarring at all; it seems like a natural part of the world.
Great work, and I can't wait to read more! I almost wish I had not read the original. It spoils the ending.
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Date: 2011-01-11 02:23 am (UTC)I also like the way you are integrating the children's lore and the prison magic. So far, the magic in the story has not been jarring at all; it seems like a natural part of the world.
Great work, and I can't wait to read more! I almost wish I had not read the original. It spoils the ending.