This is a well-done chapter; I particularly like the transport bus part. It...well, Colin pretty much hasn't ever left the world of prison, but this is a much more tangible slide back into that place, where the Darkman's riders aren't just stories, they are hanging around waiting.
I think it's fine as is, but depending on how future chapters work out/your own ideas of how the dynamic of normal vs. prison worlds should be, that scene could be played up even a little more as a gateway, or a Down the Rabbit Hole kind of thing.
I hope I'm making sense; as I mentioned back in Two, I gots a fever. Let me know if that was just gibberish.
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Date: 2011-01-11 09:53 pm (UTC)I think it's fine as is, but depending on how future chapters work out/your own ideas of how the dynamic of normal vs. prison worlds should be, that scene could be played up even a little more as a gateway, or a Down the Rabbit Hole kind of thing.
I hope I'm making sense; as I mentioned back in Two, I gots a fever. Let me know if that was just gibberish.