I think someone else spotted the singular/plural mismatch in: He thought about Laney, who was really too old to see the Darkman but who'd never stopped when you were supposed to -- not like Colin, who'd never seen them at all until he came out of prison. - you could say 'Laney, who was really too old to see the Darkman and his riders' and keep the 'them', or just change 'them' to 'him'.
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Date: 2011-01-11 10:31 pm (UTC)He thought about Laney, who was really too old to see the Darkman but who'd never stopped when you were supposed to -- not like Colin, who'd never seen them at all until he came out of prison. - you could say 'Laney, who was really too old to see the Darkman and his riders' and keep the 'them', or just change 'them' to 'him'.