AWESOME. Clear. Much more divorced from the WC trio. Also, I don't see the backstory so much as backstory; it's more like a nonlinear narrative device, well-incorporated. It doesn't feel parenthetical, the way you've smoothed it out.
The last sentence is bothering me. Parallelism? It seemed to work, or it seemed to be working, I know they're redundant, but the verb form is no good just "be".
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Date: 2011-06-22 07:16 pm (UTC)The last sentence is bothering me. Parallelism? It seemed to work, or it seemed to be working, I know they're redundant, but the verb form is no good just "be".