a thin rail that Colin's long legs were currently propped on is bothering me from a "prepositions are not good things to end sentences (or phrases) with" place -- "a thin rail on which Colin's long legs were currently propped"? I know, I'm being probably unnecessarily nitpicky. Maybe your way works better with the story's vernacular.
I like Analise.
The bit with Henrik-from-the-Aryan-Brotherhood getting sent to Death Row is new in this draft, right?
The reality that Colin's apparently sleeping with Joseph and Analise feels a lot less narratively abrupt, this time around, and the "not unless I asked nicely" at the diner with its accompanying thought of "Joseph doesn't like to talk about it in public" has a lot to do with that. But it's still a little abrupt on a human level when he wakes up in their bed the first morning after the desperate call from Hoboken (less than 24 hours after he first met Analise) -- and maybe it has to be, no matter what you do with it, no matter how you frame it, cop+convict+cop'swife is a distinctly surprising romance, even if one sets aside one's cultural programming regarding the normalcy of threesomes.
Now you've made me want to go outside and burn an egg. To see if it would really work like that. Dammit, Sam, now I'm taking craft-and-magic lessons from a fictional felon.
(SO happy to see the new draft being posted. SO, SO HAPPY.)
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Date: 2011-06-23 01:38 am (UTC)I like Analise.
The bit with Henrik-from-the-Aryan-Brotherhood getting sent to Death Row is new in this draft, right?
The reality that Colin's apparently sleeping with Joseph and Analise feels a lot less narratively abrupt, this time around, and the "not unless I asked nicely" at the diner with its accompanying thought of "Joseph doesn't like to talk about it in public" has a lot to do with that. But it's still a little abrupt on a human level when he wakes up in their bed the first morning after the desperate call from Hoboken (less than 24 hours after he first met Analise) -- and maybe it has to be, no matter what you do with it, no matter how you frame it, cop+convict+cop'swife is a distinctly surprising romance, even if one sets aside one's cultural programming regarding the normalcy of threesomes.
Now you've made me want to go outside and burn an egg. To see if it would really work like that. Dammit, Sam, now I'm taking craft-and-magic lessons from a fictional felon.
(SO happy to see the new draft being posted. SO, SO HAPPY.)
~ c.