Three: - I never knew what Seg was short for; I'm not sure if I just never noticed, but I'm glad it's up front. - And thank you for a clarification on who the ABs are! - (at "she'd smiled then") - I love this reworking. I love it, love it. - Because so many other things are being explained more clearly (ex, ABs, Colin and Joseph's relationship) I feel more lenient about other things like the shade (which despite having read the whole thing and knowing we *can't* get a full explanation, doesn't stop me from wanting one! :P But I'm okay to let it pass on) - End: Love the last line. Your chapters so far seem to end nicely - they are good stopping points. I think I comment on this because I associate shorter chapters on the internet with lots of cliffhangers to keep the reader engaged. But these chapters aren't really the place for a cliffhanger, are they? I like how the Analise/Colin/Joseph is introduced up front, as a matter of fact thing. I like that not seeing anything this first night just means that yes, he was in their bed, and *you* need to fill in the blanks. And I like this because I can give them as slow or fast a build up as I think is necessary. So well done there :)
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Chapter 3
Date: 2011-06-23 01:47 pm (UTC)- I never knew what Seg was short for; I'm not sure if I just never noticed, but I'm glad it's up front.
- And thank you for a clarification on who the ABs are!
- (at "she'd smiled then") - I love this reworking. I love it, love it.
- Because so many other things are being explained more clearly (ex, ABs, Colin and Joseph's relationship) I feel more lenient about other things like the shade (which despite having read the whole thing and knowing we *can't* get a full explanation, doesn't stop me from wanting one! :P But I'm okay to let it pass on)
- End: Love the last line. Your chapters so far seem to end nicely - they are good stopping points. I think I comment on this because I associate shorter chapters on the internet with lots of cliffhangers to keep the reader engaged. But these chapters aren't really the place for a cliffhanger, are they? I like how the Analise/Colin/Joseph is introduced up front, as a matter of fact thing. I like that not seeing anything this first night just means that yes, he was in their bed, and *you* need to fill in the blanks. And I like this because I can give them as slow or fast a build up as I think is necessary. So well done there :)