Reading Notes: - The Church service is beautiful, as always. You handle religion with respect and grace throughout all your writings (I am thinking mainly of Anize and of this). This remains one of my favorite sentances: "Besides, it would have been the height of rudeness to make a stranger in the Temple feel unwelcome." - Is the asterisk supposed to be in the middle of the passage? Will it be in smaller font in the typset version? - "I'm going to split the balloon in half," he said, as he sketched. "If I turn each half on end it'll look like two small tents. Hopefully they won't ask too many questions." --> I always wondered how Jack would sew it together; if he could make the seams tight enough. - Hearing Jack talk about his parents makes his distress from earlier feel more real. - Heyo, comment about Jack sewing! Thanks :) - "Well, unless I can invent a steam-driven engine for making things invisible" Jack dearest, if anyone can, You can. - ""Jack?" Clare called./ "What?" he called back./ "The boat's off the ground!"" --> He didn't notice? - " "SON OF A BITCH, WILL SOMEONE PLEASE COME HELP THE CRIPPLE?" Anderson shouted." --> Always loved this line. It feels a little out of place, but continually makes me crack up. - I must admit, I still don't *quite* understand the Screw. Is it a rudder? - Before he'd thought about it, he'd bent to kiss her on the cheek. Her startled expression and his own surprise drove him hurrying from the room.--> Aww. It also feels like you are setting them up a lot earlier this time. - "The other man was leaning on one of the props holding the ship up, trying with shaking hands to light his cigarette. Ellis took his hands away and cupped his fingers. The cigarette burst into life. Anderson stared at him." --> This makes it sound like Anderson is using a lighter, when earlier he Created light as well. - Sidenote: A Creationist arsonist would be the worst. - "I just hope we survive the next landing," Ellis replied. --> Duh Dun Duhhhhhhhhhh! - "And Gregory is very good at supervision," he added, with a wink at Anderson." --> For the shippers? ;) - Don't they need to get Jack and Clare approved by superiors? I feel like this is missing. Ellis has acknowledged he is not the end-all-be-all on this project. - The letter is cute. What is Clare's middle name?
End thoughts: - The main query I have is about further approval for Jack and Clare. Otherwise, this chapter = <3
Meta-Commentary: - Oh... I totally thought you*did* mean 'shook' as in 'trembled' and I thought it was because she was overawed. - Short comments this time :)
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Date: 2012-05-18 09:09 pm (UTC)- The Church service is beautiful, as always. You handle religion with respect and grace throughout all your writings (I am thinking mainly of Anize and of this). This remains one of my favorite sentances: "Besides, it would have been the height of rudeness to make a stranger in the Temple feel unwelcome."
- Is the asterisk supposed to be in the middle of the passage? Will it be in smaller font in the typset version?
- "I'm going to split the balloon in half," he said, as he sketched. "If I turn each half on end it'll look like two small tents. Hopefully they won't ask too many questions." --> I always wondered how Jack would sew it together; if he could make the seams tight enough.
- Hearing Jack talk about his parents makes his distress from earlier feel more real.
- Heyo, comment about Jack sewing! Thanks :)
- "Well, unless I can invent a steam-driven engine for making things invisible" Jack dearest, if anyone can, You can.
- ""Jack?" Clare called./ "What?" he called back./ "The boat's off the ground!"" --> He didn't notice?
- "
"SON OF A BITCH, WILL SOMEONE PLEASE COME HELP THE CRIPPLE?" Anderson shouted." --> Always loved this line. It feels a little out of place, but continually makes me crack up.
- I must admit, I still don't *quite* understand the Screw. Is it a rudder?
- Before he'd thought about it, he'd bent to kiss her on the cheek. Her startled expression and his own surprise drove him hurrying from the room.--> Aww. It also feels like you are setting them up a lot earlier this time.
- "The other man was leaning on one of the props holding the ship up, trying with shaking hands to light his cigarette. Ellis took his hands away and cupped his fingers. The cigarette burst into life. Anderson stared at him." --> This makes it sound like Anderson is using a lighter, when earlier he Created light as well.
- Sidenote: A Creationist arsonist would be the worst.
- "I just hope we survive the next landing," Ellis replied. --> Duh Dun Duhhhhhhhhhh!
- "And Gregory is very good at supervision," he added, with a wink at Anderson." --> For the shippers? ;)
- Don't they need to get Jack and Clare approved by superiors? I feel like this is missing. Ellis has acknowledged he is not the end-all-be-all on this project.
- The letter is cute. What is Clare's middle name?
End thoughts:
- The main query I have is about further approval for Jack and Clare. Otherwise, this chapter = <3
Meta-Commentary:
- Oh... I totally thought you*did* mean 'shook' as in 'trembled' and I thought it was because she was overawed.
- Short comments this time :)