I'm late on reading this chapter, but I echo everyone's sentiment that the story of the battle is breathtaking. I'm a teacher, so the bit about schools nurturing compassion and strong thinking rang very true. Also, I agree with your liftoff instead of fanfare. These folks aren't speech-y and the princess got her photograph. Anything else would seem out of place to me. I guess I was hoping for a goodbye to Anderson (they all like him so much, and so do your readers), but I like the no-flourish departure, personally.
“suddenly it looked very forbidding.” Foreboding? (maybe not)
the ancient lore of Harvard year's-end pranks. = ancient lore of Harvard’s year-end pranks (I looked at this one a bunch of times....it bothered and puzzled me.)
Claire stood at the rail for a long time, the day they flew over the pyramids – no comma after time
fellow general Ibrahim Bey lay on the east bank – fellow general, Ibrahim Bey, lay on the east bank
who according to the few survivors shouted that he = who, according to the few survivors, shouted that he…
"Serve him right, I'd say." – should that be ‘served’?
Greedy for land and wealth, which in the end add up to power. – which, in the end, add up to power
Are Murad Bey and Ibrahim Bey brothers or is that just a common name?
Finally,
When he was just waking, however, all he seemed to want was hot tea and an audience. – love this
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Date: 2012-05-02 12:30 am (UTC)“suddenly it looked very forbidding.” Foreboding? (maybe not)
the ancient lore of Harvard year's-end pranks. = ancient lore of Harvard’s year-end pranks (I looked at this one a bunch of times....it bothered and puzzled me.)
Claire stood at the rail for a long time, the day they flew over the pyramids – no comma after time
fellow general Ibrahim Bey lay on the east bank – fellow general, Ibrahim Bey, lay on the east bank
who according to the few survivors shouted that he = who, according to the few survivors, shouted that he…
"Serve him right, I'd say." – should that be ‘served’?
Greedy for land and wealth, which in the end add up to power. – which, in the end, add up to power
Are Murad Bey and Ibrahim Bey brothers or is that just a common name?
Finally,
When he was just waking, however, all he seemed to want was hot tea and an audience. – love this