Jack wrestled with the yoke, almost losing grip as he tried to turn. - almost losing his grip
There was a crunch and a jerk like a hand shoving him forward in the seat, the straps suddenly against his chest, restricting his breathing. I would have thought that the straps were already against his chest, and therefore they were suddenly tight against his chest here. Jack stripped off his shirt as they walked towards the water's edge, confident his trousers couldn't get any wetter and not quite willing to be that immodest in front of the women. - except that he's wearing his pyjama pants under his trousers which would make for an uncomfortable swim I would think.
I'm also having difficulty with how the scene of them putting down in a storm at night is lit. You have Jack strapped into the chair and Graveworthy appearing barefoot but decent on the deck below which makes it seem like there's a decent amount of light, but then He could barely see, between the darkness and the storm, except for when the door opened and Graveworthy's shadow shoved the coal inside. If it's that dark, I'm wondering how Jack is seeing everyone to be able to give them orders or see Graveworthy stumble into Clare. Also, Jack looking at the half a mile of displaced sand makes it seem like there's a lot more light than there could be when they spend what seems like quite awhile securing the balloon and then you have Graveworthy saying sunrise is approaching.
On a side note: I'm not sure if I've not being paying enough attention, but how is the airship lit internally at night? Has that been described?
My point is that this is a young country in an old land. This is a really lovely way of describing Australia :-)
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Date: 2012-05-04 06:01 pm (UTC)There was a crunch and a jerk like a hand shoving him forward in the seat, the straps suddenly against his chest, restricting his breathing. I would have thought that the straps were already against his chest, and therefore they were suddenly tight against his chest here.
Jack stripped off his shirt as they walked towards the water's edge, confident his trousers couldn't get any wetter and not quite willing to be that immodest in front of the women. - except that he's wearing his pyjama pants under his trousers which would make for an uncomfortable swim I would think.
I'm also having difficulty with how the scene of them putting down in a storm at night is lit. You have Jack strapped into the chair and Graveworthy appearing barefoot but decent on the deck below which makes it seem like there's a decent amount of light, but then He could barely see, between the darkness and the storm, except for when the door opened and Graveworthy's shadow shoved the coal inside. If it's that dark, I'm wondering how Jack is seeing everyone to be able to give them orders or see Graveworthy stumble into Clare. Also, Jack looking at the half a mile of displaced sand makes it seem like there's a lot more light than there could be when they spend what seems like quite awhile securing the balloon and then you have Graveworthy saying sunrise is approaching.
On a side note: I'm not sure if I've not being paying enough attention, but how is the airship lit internally at night? Has that been described?
My point is that this is a young country in an old land. This is a really lovely way of describing Australia :-)