Charitable Getting: Draft 2, Epilogue

[copperbadge.livejournal.com]

EPILOGUE

When Roxy found Vicky, she was standing in the back of the kitchen, helping the waiters open wine bottles.

"Hi!" she called, waving the corkscrew she was holding. "What's up? HEY, WATCH THE CRAB CAKES," she shouted over Roxy's shoulder, as one of the chefs plated them sloppily.

"Help me," Roxy said.

"Okay!" Vicky replied, handing off the bottle and corkscrew to a passing chef. "Help with what?"

"I can't find Ian," Roxy said. "We have to start and I can't find him!"

"Wasn't he talking with Sparks like, two minutes ago?" Vicky asked. "Did you text him?"

"This stupid hotel has no reception! Why do we keep holding dinners here? And also, he has to stop talking to Sparks. Do you know what Sparks wants to do now?"

"No, what?" Vicky asked, glee in her eyes.

"A YOUTUBE CHANNEL," Roxy yelled over the noise in the kitchen. A few of the waiters looked at her with puzzlement as they passed.

"That's a great -- that's a terrible idea," Vicky said, correcting herself when she saw the murderous look in Roxy's eye. "Absolutely awful. Maybe Ian knows you know he suggested it and is hiding?"

"He has stage fright," Roxy hissed. "That's why he's hiding. If he bails, so help me God..."

"Ask Sarah, she'll know," Vicky said. Roxy sighed and left the kitchen, only to find Sarah lifting a glass of wine from a tray for Mark.

"This is super-swanky," Mark told Roxy, when she reached them. "Are you sure it's cool I snuck in?"

"Totally cool," Roxy said absently. "Sarah. Ian. Where? Please."

"Hiding," Sarah said. "Try coat check."

Roxy glanced across the room and saw Ian -- and then facepalmed.

"He's checking coats," she said.

"He likes to be helpful," Mark observed.

"He's supposed to be making clients joyful!"

"Well, technically..." Sarah gestured. Roxy scowled at her and ran off again. When she reached coat check she was out of breath and cursing her high heels.

"You are so fucking busted," she told Ian, who looked at her guiltily.

"I was just...the interns needed...and Jess..." He gestured at Jess, who was sitting with the interns and apparently watching a video on her phone.

"He insisted," Jess said.

"You are coming out here right now," Roxy ordered, as Ian shamefacedly rounded the table. "Where's your tie?"

"Found the tie!" Erin announced, coming up behind them. "It was in your messenger bag."

She let the tie unroll from her fingers. Ian's suit itself was charcoal, and one of the sleeves was unbuttoned to accommodate his cast; the tie was a deep goldenrod, and on close examination the apparently abstract pattern was dozens of tiny Vitruvian Man drawings.

"That's your tie?" Roxy asked.

"I got it from the Field Museum, it's my favorite," Ian said defensively, taking the tie and trying to knot it one-handed. He finally gave up and waggled his cast pathetically. Roxy sighed and took the tie away, looping it around his throat.

"It's coming off in a week," he reminded them as Roxy knotted it.

"And then you'll have no more excuses," Naomi said, sweeping up in a new dress that almost hid the sensible shoes underneath.

"I don't -- !" Ian began, then rolled his eyes. "Fine. Okay."

"God, you have to get a new suit. Can't you afford tailoring now?" Naomi demanded.

"What's wrong with this one?" Ian asked, looking down at it.

"You need pinstripes," Naomi told him.

"By the way, later we're going to have words about the YouTube thing," Roxy said, smoothing the tie down. "Now, can I trust you to run the PowerPoint without me hovering?"

"Hey, I did the webinar all by myself last week, and that sucked," Ian told her.

"Just punishment," Erin snorted.

"Don't trip!" Naomi called after them. Ian lifted his cast and threw her a very subtle finger.

"Ian!" Sparks shouted. "Stop that!"

"Aaargh," Ian groaned theatrically. "Boss, if I quit, will you make me receptionist again?"

"Vicky's got a death grip on it," Sparks said, as Anna ran up. "Hey, it's my favorite whistleblower!"

"Stop calling me that," Anna hissed.

"Enjoy your fame," Sparks told her.

"It's infamy!"

"It didn't sound like infamy when you got to go on Oprah," Ian reminded her.

"You never get to talk to me again," Anna pointed a finger at him. "If you fuck up the speech I wrote for you I'll -- "

"Okay, you look passingly snappy," Sparks interrupted, speaking to Ian. "Ready?"

"If I die onstage," Ian said to Erin, "remember we're helping John move into Cee's place this weekend, and you are to mock him mercilessly."

"It's in my BlackBerry," Erin said indignantly.

"Come on!" Sparks called, already ten paces ahead.

Roxy ran past them to make sure the computer hadn't come unplugged or gone on standby or any of the other dozen disasters that could happen. When she saw everything was in order, she took a deep breath, let go, and stepped aside.

"Good evening!" Sparks yelled, bounding up the platform. Ian lingered below in the shadows. "Good evening everyone. Thank you, quiet down, yes, the food is exceptional. All listening? Good."

He clapped his hands together and bounced on this toes.

"I'd like to welcome you to our New Client meet and greet," he said, giving them the Smile, the one that practically went ting! under the lights. "We're very excited that you're joining our SparkVISION family. I know you're all anxious to start the ball rolling on your various projects, and of course you know we're ramping up for this expansion with a lot of new people. We have quite a bit of information to cover tonight, primarily from our excellent Client Joy manager Erin..." he gestured to Erin, who waved and pointed to her SparkVISION branded ball cap, which clashed horribly with her dress, "...but first we're going to have a few words from our new Client Joy associate, who will be handling some of your accounts once he's got two hands again."

Ian winced; everyone else chuckled. Roxy patted his shoulder.

"Many of you know him better under a nom de plume -- more of a Non de plume, hahaha -- but I'd like to formally introduce you to Non Prophet's alter ego, Ian Butler."

Ian didn't move. He looked terrified. Roxy planted an elbow square in his kidney, just to get him going, and pressed the computer remote for the PowerPoint into his hand. He stumbled up the stairs and blinked in the light on the stage. Sparks, turning and walking backwards as he went to join his staff near the rear of the room, gave him a huge grin and a thumbs-up gesture. Roxy hurried around the tables and accepted a glass of wine when Erin offered her one.

"Hi," Ian said from the stage, shifting the remote back and forth in his hands. Erin made a "smile!" gesture. Ian smiled, or anyway tried to. He cleared his throat.

"I, um, I'm very new at this," he said hesitantly. "Most of the time, when I'm talking with any authority, it's from behind a computer screen."

Polite laughter. Roxy bit her lip, but Ian looked faintly encouraged. Roxy noticed Tanya slinking in from the kitchen, and Sparks was momentarily distracted as he waved her over. She still looked uncomfortable around the rest of the staff – especially Ian, who still wouldn't speak to her – but she leaned in and whispered something to Sparks, who slung his arm over her shoulders and beamed at her.

It was probably for the best. He'd been miserable for the week and a half he'd spent insisting that they were over. At least now he wasn't moping all the time.

"SparkVISION appreciates your confidence in our abilities, and we anticipate a very satisfying relationship with all of you," Ian continued onstage, starting to get into the rhythm of the speech Anna had carefully written for him, after much screaming. "It's been an interesting month since Non Prophet was outed..."

"If he falls off the stage getting down, I'm going to throttle him," Erin whispered to Roxy. Cee, appearing on her other side, offered her a glass of wine. "Oh God, thank you."

"He'll do fine," Sparks said, leaning across to pat Erin on the shoulder. "You know you're still my number one, right?"

"I'm the one who doesn't fall over furniture," Erin recited. "Therefore I get to be Queen of Client Joy."

"That's right," Sparks said. The rest of the gathering laughed at a joke in the speech.

"I told you that was a good joke," Anna said to Sparks. Ian looked momentarily confused by the laughter before continuing.

"My kerning is so hot," Zoe declared, as Ian advanced to the first PowerPoint slide.

"How many new interns are we getting?" Sarah asked. "I still get to break them, right?"

"Yes," Sparks sighed. "You get to break them."

"Good." Sarah accepted the flask from Erin and took a quick sip.

"You," Sparks added to Tanya, "had better not be taking notes, our business practices are off the record."

"No notes," Tanya promised.

"Well thank god for small favors," Erin muttered, casting a sidelong glare at Tanya, and Sarah shook a finger at her.

"Clean slate, we said," she reminded her. Erin rolled her eyes, but she didn't say anything further.

"New year," Sparks mused, and Roxy saw him sweep the assembled staff with a pleased gaze. "New directions, new clients. It's gonna be great. We're gonna save the world."

"It's like he talks these things into existence," Sarah whispered to Cee.

"Maybe he does," Roxy whispered back. "Erin, by the way, did he tell you about Ian's idea for a new YouTube Channel for SparkVISION?"

Erin looked speculatively at Ian, who was showing off the Banana of Website Philanthropy. Zoe, standing nearby, almost choked on her wine as her little animated banana began to dance in the corner.

"I'm going to stab him," Erin decided.

END